The coolest kid ever

Okay, I know this is highly unusual, me posting twice in a single night, but I just had to share this picture of my nephew. He is by far the coolest little kid ever (sorry Lisa).

No one really knows where he picked up this little pose, but it's all him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next Val Kilmer:

I am a COWBOY!

Summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high.

That's right, summer is upon us and that means a lot of outside work to do. I've been mowing the grass, trimming the driveway, planting flowers, etc. But all that is really child's play next to the real work that's gotta be done in the summer time.

Back home on the Kimbrough/Mayberry ranch, summer means one major thing: Hay baling time. A few weeks ago, I went back to help out with that annual chore, and I thought I would post a few pics to illustrate what it entails.

Hay baling is as much art as science. Knowing when to cut the hay, knowing how long to let it lay on the ground, timing it correctly with the rains and droughts; it takes decades to learn how to get a feel for the land and weather, and even then, alot of experience farmers get caught out in the rain, figuratively and literally.

Still, when I'm back on the ranch, I realize how much I miss the ranching life. I helped Dad rebuild the sickle mower (think a big set of clippers like they use to cut hair, but 8 feet long with blades the size of your palm), I got to get my hands greasy and then watch while Dad tested the repaired rig. Standing there at the corner post, looking out over the field at dusk, as the dew comes up and the smell of freshly cut hay fills my nostrils, feeling the cooling breeze as it sweeps across my sweat-damp clothes; I feel like all is right with the world, like I know that there is one place I will always belong, that I will always be welcome and can always feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Now don't get me wrong, it's very hard work. The next day, we had to fight the heat and the sun to get the hay off the ground. I'm the rake man. I have been since I was about 10 years old. Somehow, I always had a feel for how to rake the hay, how to get the right amount of hay in a windrow (not that I always do it perfectly, but I think I'm pretty good at it).

Here's the crazy looking contraption that you use:



Much like an oversized yard rake, this thing rolls the hay up into a windrow that the baler picks up, rolls, ties and spits out into a large round bale. Just like clockwork. And boy is it fun. Bouncing across the pasture at 15 or 20 MPH, busting your spine, frying in the hot sun. Short sleeves are strictly a no-no by the way. As you can see, I wear long-sleeves, long pants, heavy boots, gloves and a wide-brimmed hat.



Okay, so you may have figured out by now that all this post was designed for was to figure out how to post pictures of me being all manly and baling hay.
Sill, I thought some of you might not quite know what was involved when you heard me talk about it. Hopefully these will give you some idea.

Anyway, here's one final pic of me on my great metal stallion. Aren't I rugged?

Fox is Bootylicious

So, I'm following my new nightly routine: come home exhausted from my commute, have a fruitless conversation with Michelle (whoisnowworkingalmostconstantlyevenathomebutheyat leastIgettobeinthesameroomwithher) about dinner, cooking dinner (pan-fried Talapia (whole-wheat flour, salt, pepper, garlic powder, cilantro, EVOO) saffron rice and brussel sprouts (incidentally, the salty and kind of sweet flavor of the saffron rice goes GREAT with the slight bitterness of the sprouts)) and then doing 45 minutes or so of cardio on my new exercise bike.

Things are going well. And in the background, against my better judgment, I'm watching Fox's reality show "So You Think You Can Dance." Honestly, I'm surprised, because I really enjoy this show. And ordinarily, I HATE reality TV. But seriously, these folks really can dance, at least far beyond what I would be able to accomplish, even with years of training. There was one couple who performed a pasodoble that I thought was gorgeous.

Anyway, as I'm watching this, I find myself enjoying it quite a bit, and one of the major reasons is this: (my female readers may be angered by this, and I apologize up front, but hey, I'm a guy) THERE WAS SOOOOO MUCH ASSSSSSS!!!!! I mean OMG, they did not hesitate to show of the fine, fine dancin' booty. There were crazy small outfits on the girls on that show, while the guys all wore pretty normal dancing outfits.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining at all. The dancing was fun to watch, and the girls were just icing on the cake. But it got me thinking once again about the unbelievably stupid standards we have for what's considered "indecent" on American television.

From the FCC's own website, here is their definition of indecent:

The FCC has defined broadcast indecency as "language or material that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory organs or activities." Indecent programming contains patently offensive sexual or excretory material that does not rise to the level of obscenity.

The courts have held that indecent material is protected by the First Amendment and cannot be banned entirely. It may, however, be restricted in order to avoid its broadcast during times of the day when there is a reasonable risk that children may be in the audience.

Consistent with a federal indecency statute and federal court decisions interpreting the statute, the Commission adopted a rule that broadcasts -- both on television and radio -- that fit within the indecency definition and that are aired between 6:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m. are prohibited and subject to indecency enforcement action.

Now, if you are reading this from the viewpoint of Victorianan-minded bible-thumper, pretty much everything on TV is indecent. But look at this from the stand point of your average viewer. Fox's dancing show, on several occasions, mentions the booty as a key feature of the dance. There was some serious grinding in a couple of the dances. One had a legsplit that, well, made me feel kind of funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

In fact, is was pretty much the same kind of dancing that Janet Jackson was doing in the moments leading up to her notorious wardrobe malfunction. So what exactly makes it so much worse if you add a nipple? I don't get it. The human body is beautiful. And this dancing was a display off athleticism and beauty that showcased everything that the Good Lord created in all it's glory. But you throw in a nipple, correction, throw in a FEMALE nipple, and suddenly it's a horrific display that will traumatize America's children and rip the fabric of society into little tiny pieces.

It's this craziness that blows my mind. You can have a nude woman sitting chastely on a stool, her legs crossed, but her bosom proudly displayed and people would kill themselves trying to get to their computers and complain to the FCC. But put a few clothes on here, enough to cover her assets, but not truly disguise them, throw her on a dance floor with a partner, have her gyrate wildly, and it's wholesome family entertainment that can be viewed by parents and children in primetime, or on 50 yardline during the Austin Wranglers game.

And to make matters worse, you can't show a nipple for 0.5 seconds, but you can show Jack Bauer literally torturing someone to death, you can show a serial killer bashing someones skull in, you can show people eating pig penises (or is it penii), you can show large men in tight spandex body slamming each other with brutal force and pounding each other to a blody pulp, and you can show the ultimate Man of Peace being flayed, staked out and stabbed; ALL OF THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY, BUT OMGWTFBBQ A NIPPLE ON TV IS GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

The most insane argument of all is that people said the real reason that they were all upset about the boob was that it was show in the middle of the Superbowl. The Superbowl. A family event. Totally family oriented. That's right. Four quarters of the most orgiastic display of violence since the since the fall of the Roman empire; that wholesome atmosphere was totally turned on it's head by a microsecond nipslip. How will we ever get back our innocence???

Ugh. I don't think I can go on. My head is going to fucking explode. Maybe one of you can come over and film it. They'll rerun it in slowmotion on the 6 o'clock news and pay you a million dollars for the footage. Oh, and the Parents Telivision Council can blame my death on Janet Jackson's nipple.

Random Blog of the ... whenever

So, I came across this random blog. I don't remember how, maybe through FARK or something, but it cracks me up, so I thought I'd share it.

It's called Artsick and it's just full of random stuff. Of the few I've read so far, these are a couple of my favorites:

Found School Lunch Menu
Did you Know? Part 1

I appears to be a blog of random ramblings from some guy. I don't know anything about it, but it made me chuckle.

Oh, and some entries may be NSFW (Not Safe For Work), so just keep that in mind.
Enjoy!